Chickenshit Fascism

'Arise, Ye Turdlets of PlayStation...!'

Weirdos Storm the Capitol, January 6, 2021 (original photo, Sul Loeb/AFP via Getty, reprinted in Amanda K. Retotar and Andrea Wurzburger, “Shocking Photos of the Violent Riots at the U.S. Capitol” People Magazine, January 6, 2022).

Jacob Chansley, aka Jake Angeli, the Halloweened-out, zonked-out, spear-toting dipwad forever remembered as the Q-Anon Shaman playing furry dress-up, bellowing his informally attired way into U.S. Senate Chambers on January 6, pled guilty that same November to a felony charge of obstructing an official proceeding and was sentenced by US District Judge Royce Lamberth to 41 months in prison. At the time, Viking Boy told Judge Lamberth how profoundly sorry he was for his behavior: “I have no excuse. No excuses whatsoever. My behavior was indefensible.” His philosophy — had anything coherent actually been capable of forming within a brain long cursed with bipolar disorder, transient schizophrenia, depression, anxiety and previous use of ‘magic mushrooms’ — included a belief that Donald Trump was actually fighting a cabal of Satan-worshipping, child sex-trafficking cannibals, a creed he claimed to repudiate later on.

On that brutal day in January, about 10,000 rioters entered the Capitol Grounds illegally. Nothing was spontaneous about it. Egged on by and through Donald Trump and his subordinates, the event was carefully organized for maximum chaos on the very day law and order mattered more than any other. A third of those eventually charged with crimes (about 1,500) were not 'concerned Americans’ — but connected to extremist movements, such as the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, Three Percenters, Super Happy Fun America, America First Bruins, and a panoply of screwball groups few — save for persevering FBI agents — have ever heard of. Many expressed allegiance to Q-Anon conspiracy thinking. None had faked their support for Donald Trump (one of the more bizarre defenses of their behavior by certain batshit Republican Congresscritters at the time was that they were just ‘pretending’ to wave Trump flags, but were actually FBI ‘provocateurs’ sent there to make Trump look bad).

A few days before in December, Laurent Bachelier, a wealthy French neo-Nazi, had committed suicide, directing that more than a half million dollars of his fortune be paid in bitcoin posthumously to many of the groups listed above. More than half of that ended up in the hands of Nick Fuentes, an American neo-Nazi, Holocaust-denying ‘Christian Nationalist’ and head of another band of even fruitier fruit loops — the Groyper Army — a loose-knit conglomeration of gamers and young incels with the goal of turning America into a white-only bastion where violent, disassociated young men could safely play out on-line fantasies of revenge, racism and cruelty. Since 2019, the Groypers had actively trolled Charlie Kirk and his group, Turning Point, USA, for being insufficiently loony, anti-semitic and screwy enough to merit their approval.

When Herr Metamucilini reminded Americans on camera how millions of Fidos and Fluffies were being devoured by the country’s tiny Haitian immigrant community and managed to resurrect himself from his political graveyard, his first act in January 2025 was to pardon nearly all the 1,500 people convicted for their roles on January 6, 2021 outright. “His” new “Justice” Department then wasted no time in going after the “real” perpetrators — the 5,000 FBI agents who had worked diligently collecting the kind of professional evidence against perpetrators of violence that allows juries to do their work and sleep peacefully at night. Against standard practice, professionalism and common sense, those names were then turned over to the Department. Acting FBI Director James Driscoll resisted this and was soon fired for his arrogant refusal to demand protocol be observed.

As for Fuentes, he got himself invited to Mar-a-Lago for a private dinner with the boss back in November 2022 — the conversation likely not revolving around hamberders, covfefe, overdone steak with ketchup and violent video games. Once back in office, however, Fuentes would eventually turn on Trump (sort of), labeling him a “scam artist” in mid-2025 in connection with the bizarre twists and turns of Trump’s clear taste for young pubic hair the “Epstein Files” revealed. And in September, as literally every media outlet keeps blaring at us 24/7, 6-year Groyper trolling ‘victim’ Charlie Kirk was murdered in Orem, Utah. The alleged assailant? A lone wolf whose sole social connections seemed to revolve around violent gaming. In copycat shootings committed by disassociated young men in different places around America and the world, would-be assassins often scribble incoherent symbols and ramblings onto their bullet casings beforehand. One of those casings collected at the scene of the Kirk murder shows directional arrows familiar to players of Helldivers 2 — a brutal, violent game where a group of players work together to save Earth from invading space bugs, evil cyborgs and robots.

The gentle, peaceful alien Klatuu about to get acquainted with an earlier generation of dumb Earth incels who refuse even to meet, let alone work together, from “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” 1951 (photo, courtesy, Dave Taylor @ Go Fatherhood: Single Dad Under Construction).

Other bullet casings testify to a bizarre mish-mash of psychiatric instability and wry-wrony — lyrics to an old Italian anti-fascist song nobody ever heard of, references to “furry” subculture (where the accused had an account), where people engage in erotic and imaginative play requiring elaborate Disneyland-style animal costumes), mocking memes piled on top of other mocking memes, each a deep-dive into the mental incoherence that thrives inside the world of violent, silicon, make-believe. Despite the Governor of Utah’s claiming that the perpetrator “held” a “left-wing ideology,” the messages don’t seem to form any recognizable, coherent ideology anyone has yet to make sense of. It feels as though many messages were put there just to attract attention, which these lonely, purposeless young men very clearly crave. One of the casings simply read in true trollspeak: if you read this, you are gay LMAO.

Throughout our troubled 2025, dominated by Trumpian lunacy, gaslighting and cruelty, only 2 of the January 6 1,500 convicted of their crimes and later pardoned by Trump have rejected their own pardons — just two. Former Congressman Adam Kinzinger (R-IL) posted long, thoughtful interviews with Pamela Hemphill and Jason Ridder not only to help viewers understand their mindsets, but to document how they became involved with MAGA in the first place. Tales of loneliness, a search for belonging, mental instability, substance abuse, and psychic vulnerability to a cult clearly emerged in both. A chastened, sober MAGA ‘granny’ Hemphill told BBC News earlier that accepting a pardon “would only insult the Capitol police officers, the rule of law, and of course, our nation.” Listening to them reinforces the grim reality that getting out of a cult remains orders of magnitude more difficult than getting into one in the first place.

No interviews yet with hundreds of facilitating Republican Congresscritters and Senators who burp in lockstep with the Orange Putrescence — a few here and there expressing their “concern” at the behavior of a criminal who shits on them and the Constitution both every chance he gets, posts snuff videos of people being killed on boats on the open seas and engages in his own brand of dress-up as a sunglasses-wearing, napalm-sniffing war criminal, screaming “I love the smell of deportations in the morning.” Wry-wronically, his own mythical familiar comes from the very war he once claimed he could not serve in because of painful bone spurs. Wry-wrony on top of mixed memes, interlaced with cruelty, interspersed with incoherent bibble-babble. Clearly, some people don’t need violent video games in order to separate themselves from truth, honor, integrity, dignity or real history. Life imitates satire, imitates fascism, imitates adolescent video games, imitates…

Trump now wallows in Hitlerian emergency decrees, declaring crises in every Democratic city in the country which only HE can address, turning traditional conservatism upside down by abusing federal power to override state and local concerns. We are being prepared for war. Our Gdansk may be Venezuela, Denmark, the Federal Reserve, Memphis, Canada — the list of people, places and things the pettiest, pissiest, tiniest, foulest, vilest man ever to soil the White House wants to attack, invade, destroy, overturn, or rework appears endless — all wry-wronically and weirdly set to that famous gay anthem from the 1970s, the Village People’s “YMCA.”

No pissy act of petty vengeance against perceived slights and ego bruises is too tiny for him. Most recently, one historical photograph in particular has been deemed offensive to his Orwellian-entitled Executive Order from March, “Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History.” Scheduled for removal from several national park exhibits, including the Smithsonian’s Museum of African-American History and Culture is a famous 1863 daguerreotype showing an enslaved man’s savage, multiple flayings across the length of his back. Perhaps only the scars will be expunged, thanks to the miracle of AI, pre-sanitized for Republican use — we don’t yet know. But an escaped, once-enslaved man whose body remains visual testimony to the viciousness of slavery now joins the long list of entertainers, demons and women who live rent-free in that cavernous, malignant place between Trump’s ears, one of which no longer aligns perfectly symmetrically with the other.

Peter Wheeler, born in New Jersey, kidnapped and sold into slavery, escaped to New York in 1806 with the help of abolitionists Thomas and Henry Ludlow (1863 daguerreotype, Wikipedia, Library of Congress).

Were all this not deadly serious, not a precursor to war and further violence, not a reminder of how Germany lost its democracy in 1933 right down to eerie ‘Night of the Long Knives’ moments when those deemed insufficiently batshit crazy are mysteriously bumped off, were groundless accusations of ‘left-wing violence’ not being hurled at the innocent day after day after day, were Democratic lawmakers not being targeted for murder and mutilation, were dissenters now not being doxxed for refusing to compare Charlie Kirk to Mahatma Gandhi, all of this might be comical. It might have been the stuff of a Hollywood Grade C- script, rejected as being too ridiculous, incoherent and idiotic, even for 14-year-old boys adrift in a world of silicon-based violence.

But it is not. More accurately, it horrifies, yet also calls for satire and humor. They just hate being laughed at. PeeWee German practically Poughkeepsies in his tighty-whitey panties should you giggle while he rants. Because somewhere inside of them, they know our joy, humor and sanity are stronger than their despair, violence and constant degradations a desperately insecure moron and his savage cult hurl at our republic every day. So take it all with the utmost seriousness, yet keep on laughing. They really, really HATE that.

Turds and Whey Ahead — Mind the Crap